Coming-of-age final

There are so many things happen in a person’s life. There are so many that sometimes you forget their existences. Sometimes I think it’s so magical how your brain works, it keeps the memory that gave you huge impact while erase those short memories passed by.  I guess that’s the reason why we need to take pictures or writing diaries, so one day when you look back over those things, you realized that those memories existed before. Those touching, coming-of-age moment once happened. Those beautiful days and laughter under the sun sometimes just hide in the deepest parts of your memory.  

  Have you ever felt that with the time pass by, you forget the things that you thought you would never forget? Or you forgot the details of some memories? Since new memories keep coming in and they keep filling up the limited memory volume. But still, there are some memories always there, with clear details. Every time you think about it, you still can smell the fresh air that day, you still can see the smiling face that day, you still can feel the heartbeat at that moment.  Those moments are more like print. They print in your memory with every single word you said, every single moment you had and of course, the emotional change you had through out those moments.

   I bet you have those moments. I do too.

   And the one I am talking about is the moment when I was with my parents. It is sarcastic that the older a person gets, the more he/she realized that importance about his/her parents. Maybe at that moment you didn’t perceive the significant of that day, that event. But when you think back later, it’s one of those memories that print in your brain, with every single detail. Then you began to analyze why it’s so important to you. Is that a coming-of-age moment?

    It was 2008, on the New Years Eve. That was a cold winter, there were ice everywhere and you could barely see people on the street except those people were power walking to escape from freezing wind. In China, New Year Eve is just like Christmas combining with Thanksgiving, it means that it’s the night you should stay at home and celebrate with your family. It is a very important tradition of every single family. Our family is one of those families. We always stay at home and watch New Year Eve ceremony on TV just like other millions of Chinese families.

 However, everything changed that year. It started with my dad driving my mom and I to get groceries. When we were waiting for the traffic light, we accidently saw a homeless person walking on the street.  He was knocking on the windows of the cars which stopped for traffic lights. The cars in front of us just ignored him completely. I totally understood that because who wanted to open the window in this weather and gave him money? He finally approached to our car. Just as I was wandering what my parents would do, my dad opened the window and handed him 10 RMB (Chinese currency).  The homeless person was obviously shocked that he could get so much money from this car because you could see from his face that he didn’t expect anything from here.  He looked at us for a while, slowly accepting the money with his shaky hands. When he lifted up his head, I could almost see the tears in his blurry eyes. I could see that he tried to say something to us, but he looked speechless for a while and finally said, “ Thank you”. Have you ever feel that sometimes language is too simple to express your emotion?  You tried to use all the vocabulary you have to think of a word but no matter how fancy the word you came up with, you still cannot express how you feel at that moment. In the end, you only can use your facial expression and the simplest words to express, but it fully shows what you want to say.  This is one of those moments.

  My dad sighed and looked at him walking away until he disappeared in the rain. I turned my head to see his face. I couldn’t see clearly because it was dark.  Looking at the outline of his face, I could feel the solemnness.

  “ We should gave out food tonight on the street to those people who need help.” My dad said this sentence without any doubt.

  “ What?” My mom and I literally said the same word at the same time. This was a ridiculous idea. In this cold winter and New Year Eve, are we going to deliver free food to people? Everyone else was staying at his/her own warm house and enjoying the once-a-year wonderful time with family right now. Are we really going to do this?

  “ Why it has to be tonight? We can always do it any other days!” My mom tried to change my dad’s mind. She sounds very clam with a slightly emotion inside.

  “ People who still need help tonight are the people who really in need. If they have any other places to stay, they will not choose to wander on the street on New Years Eve. We really should help them today, tonight. “ My dad responded.

  That sounds like a “ must do”. It was not a choice.  My mom didn’t say anything back after this.

  Then my dad turned his head to me.

  “Remember that Bessy, you always need to help the people when they need.”

   I nodded. I was naïve. I was so young and so weak to help anybody. I could die on the street if there was no financial support from family. How could I know how hard it is to survive in this cruel society?

  However, I still said yes because that was my father and that’s the only answer I could give. I know what kind of answer I should give when he is serious. And usually, when he is serious about something, he is right. I knew he was right that time though I couldn’t find a good reason to explain why.  

  The trip to groceries store changed from purchasing groceries for house to purchase groceries for homeless people. We bought some bread, some milk, some other snacks and zip-lock bags.

   When we went out of the grocery stores, the rain was getting bigger. The wind was so big that we couldn’t open our eyes. But for some reasons, I felt a little happiness deep inside of my heart. The happiness was down there, not very obvious, but noticeable.

  My mom began to allocate those foods and drink into different zip lock bags when my dad was driving on the way back from groceries store. I turned my head to look at her face since I wanted to observe her reaction. I was surprised how careful she looked when she was doing that. She looked like she was in a ceremony. Step by step, slow and steady. I thought she was really reluctant to do this, but I guess I was wrong, there was not a single complain on her face and she was even smiling when she was doing that. 

  “ Where are we going to find those people?” My mom asked.

  “ I don’t know. But we can try the area under the bridge. I guess no matter what, they always want to find a shelter to protect them from wind and rain.” My dad suggested.

   So we drove towards the bridge as my dad mentioned. It was a huge bridge. Usually it was as busy as you can ever imagine. All the cars passing by so quickly and almost none of them stop to notice there are people under the bridge. My dad noticed them and the image marked in his head.  Tonight it was totally a different view from other days. The whole street was empty with several dark yellow streetlights standing there alone. The bridge looks even bigger because of the empty area.  It’s a different kind of beauty, the beauty of silence.

  My dad parked near the bridge and we looked under the bridge. There were several homeless people sleeping under the bridge. All the sudden, I could feel my eyes were watery. In this cold winter, in the night of New Year Eve, what kind of life made them have to stay under the bridge with empty stomach?  Why do they have to suffer? Why there isn’t other people give their hand to pull them out from the suffering?

    We parked the car far away from them so we can walk towards them. As we walking towards them, they looked us very cautiously. I bet they were wandering what are they doing here.

  We finally stopped in front of them.  My mom said, “ I brought some food and drink for you.” Everyone’s face was shocked and they looked at us like we are not from the earth.  I couldn’t see any reaction from their face. My mom and I began to allocate those foods we prepared earlier in the car.  As we were handing them, I could feel their shaky hands when they accept the bags, yes, shaky hands. I will never forget the way they looked at us, it’s like we are their God, or someone sent by God to help them. I realized that we can help people if we want. It’s our choices.

  “ Thank you!” They said, nothing else.

   Thank you, how precious those words are for us right now.

  Two words contain too much emotion, for every single one of us.  

   Two words, it’s enough for all three of us.

  “ Let’s go and try some other places. Maybe there are more people there.” My dad suggested.

   My dad started the car again. I looked back to the bridge, all those people standing up and waving to us.  It was totally different from what it looked like when we just got there. Right now I could smell the atmosphere of New Year Eve.  We changed the people around us in a few minutes. Suddenly, I almost could feel the temperature rise a little.  I could feel warm in my heart as well.

   After half an hour driving, we ended up with a very sketchy place. We stopped in front of a very long lane. You even couldn’t see the end of this lane. It was dark and hopeless. I was scared about this area because it was middle of nowhere.

  “ Dad, do we have to go inside here?” I whispered.

  “ Yes, I remember there are always people hiding in the end of the lane. We should go in and check.”

   “ I don’t think it’s safe at this time, it’s too dark and it is raining now. The ground is getting wet and slippery. “

   “ You’re right. Your mom and you should stay in the car. I will do this by myself. Can you hand me some food please?” My dad turned his head to my mom.

  My mom sighed at the first time and gave him some bags and several bottles of water.

  “ Let me get an umbrella from the truck and I will be right back!”

  “ Be careful!! “ My mom said.

   My dad nodded, quickly got out of the car and walking to the lane. Since the rain was getting bigger. His back disappeared in our visions in just 20 seconds. He didn’t walk very fast, but very steady.

  That’s my dad. I thought. He sometimes takes things or makes decisions slowly. But once he decides something, he is going to do it no matter what.

  We waited in the car for 20 minutes and constantly looked into the lane. No one showed up from there. We started to worry about him. What took him so long? What happened if something bad happened to him?

  “ Should we go in and check?” I asked since I got anxious.

  “ Let’s just wait a little longer. “ My mom looks concerned too.

  Ten minutes flied away quickly. I could feel my heartbeat clearly. Just as I about to open the car door, I saw a person showed up from the rain very slowly, very slow steps walking out of the lane.

  I kept staring at him until making sure that was my dad. 

  “It’s him!!” I shouted.

  “ Wait, what’s wrong with his leg?” I noticed that he limped towards the car.  

  I jumped out of the car. “ What happened dad?”

  “Everything is fine. I just slipped. But all the food was gone. There were tons of people there. They were just so surprised that people will come for them.  Anyway, I am really happy I did this. “ My dad said.

  I stopped walking towards him and started to look at him. My dad, in the rain, looked so old and helpless. I didn’t go forward to hold him because I know he didn’t need it at that moment.  Since when I looked into his eyes, I knew he could make it without my help.  

  At that moment, I know what I should do in my life. Never stop helping others, we may meet difficulties on our ways, we may try to give up because different unexpected obstacles. But as long as you recognize that’s what you are going to do, who cares about those weeds blocking your way? People realize who they are when you are helping others. Life is not just about you. It’s about the landscape on the way and the people you meet on your way. Share your gloves when your hand is warm enough to keep you alive. Helping others is not caring about people when you have enough food and drink, it should be when you only have one bread and you are starving too, but you are still willing to share half of the bread with other people.

  I will never forget that moment when my dad walked to me. In the pouring rain, I found the direction of my life. It’s a coming-of-age Moment.