coming of age draft 6

Everyone falls in love sometime in his or her lives, usually more than once. Some of those memories doesn’t last that long or maybe you want yourself to forget because some people just came into your life in order to give you a lesson then leave. However, there are some of them stuck in your head forever. Like first love, the first moment that you can feel your heartbeat, the first moment that you blush so bad that you couldn’t stop it.

  In China, it is almost a “taboo” if you start a relationship before college. People will judge you and try their best to stop those kinds of “unforgivable love” especially like parents and teachers. Unfortunately, I was the one who breaking the law at age of 12.

  Everything started like the stories in a typical soap drama. He was my desk mate. So one day, he called me and asked me to guess whom does he like. After a round of guessing nearly all the girls that I can remember, I was confusing. Then he said “you.” That word just made me feel ridiculous. 

  “Me? Are you crazy?” I guess that was the dumbest response I can ever give in my lifetime.

  Everything became awkward after that. I knew that there is no way we can develop our relationship because it is socially and morally wrong that time. If we were being caught, then I would lose everything, including “ I am a good student “ title and the trust from family and parents.

  But I said “ I like you” back 5 months later without consideration since I did like him.

  Life became amazing after that because love became mutual instead of one-sided. People will not be happy if they only giving but not receiving during a relationship. We both gained happiness each other and enjoyed the every single moments with each other.

  I still remember the first time we held hand. It was a English class, he sat next to him. It was August, there was only fan in the classroom so we can feel the hot air came in and out. Birds were singing freely outside. The teacher was standing in front of us talking about grammar. I was writing notes with my write hand and the other hand was on my leg. After a while, I could feel some hot air came towards my left hand. I was so nervous that I stop breathing. Then a subtle touch on my hand, very softly that I could ignore it if I didn’t pay attention. After observing me (which I pretended nothing happened). He gently grabbed my hand with his hands. All the sudden, all those thoughts were blowing away. My brain turned completely blank. I had no clue what teacher was talking about in front me.  I only could feel two hands in this university. I guess that’s the power of the love. The moment you couldn’t breath because you were so nervous about those two holding hands.

  Both of us stuck in that embarrassing situation because we don’t know what to do with those hands. I could feel that my hand was sweating, seriously, my hand was totally wet. I didn’t know what to do until the class was about to finish. So I tried to loose the fingers and let it go. Finally, my hand broke free. It was good to save my hand out of this embarrassing situation too.

  I never expected this would be my first holding hand moment, together with sweat and embarrassment.  And of course, with nervous and excitement.

  That’s the most brave things we have never done till the relationship finish later. I was even wondering if this can be called as a “ relationship” since there was nothing happened except that.

  What is a relationship, maybe it can be simply defined as mutual love and we are mature enough to realize this love. If that makes sense.

  We were braver after that, but that brave limited to looking at each other more, talking to each other more. Love does grows, and I could truly feel the glooming.

   All the stories have this “ but”. Same as this one. Teacher finally found out about this, as well as parents. We got into serious trouble. Our parents and teacher sat together and asked us to confess everything. We both got serious punishment from parents too.

  So we gave up. At the age of 12, we gave up liking each other because we couldn’t continue doing it anymore. The pain this love brought to us surplus the happiness we could get.

  It sounds like a lame story since there was no fighting back or happy ending of this story. But it did teach me what is love and it was one of those coming of age moment that makes me grow up.

  Love sometimes doesn’t last but memory does.